[NPMUG] US military considers "conventional" response to cyber attack

[Charles Firth]

Very funny fake article discussing the military need to nuke Seattle.

http://notnews.today.com/2009/05/14/cyber-attack-could-bring-us-military-response/

Published by davidgerard at 7:56 pm under Defence, Technology, United  
States Edit This
SNOW CRASH, The Metaverse, Wednesday (NNGadget) — US Air Force General  
Kevin Chilton, head of US Strategic Command, has said that attacks on  
the United States via the Internet could merit a conventional military  
response.

“I don’t think you take anything off the table. We’re particularly  
looking toward one group in Seattle.”

The Seattle-based insurgent group is thought to have seeded American  
government and military computers with millions of copies of malware  
that allows attackers easy access to any data stored on the computer,  
or indeed to take complete control of the computer and use it for  
their own ends as part of a massive “botnet” to mount further attacks.  
The malware, “Windows,” makes securing a computer running it almost  
impossible.

“Turning Seattle into a glass crater would only be undertaken strictly  
as the minimum required surgical military action,” emphasised Chilton,  
“and not in any way out of twenty-five years’ bitter resentment and  
frustration at computing machinery.”

Chilton stressed that members of the US military must begin to think  
of their computers as the front lines. “Do you realize that in  
addition to adding Windows to computers, why, there are studies  
underway to Windowsize salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk …  
ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children’s ice cream! I can no longer  
sit back and allow Windows infiltration, Windows indoctrination,  
Windows subversion and the international enterprise licensing  
conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!”

The Obama administration is currently reviewing the United State’s  
cyberspace defense policy. “We’re considering all options thoroughly,”  
said the President, closing his MacBook and looking lingeringly at the  
red button on his desk.



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